“That was fairly horrendous, I do not know what to say but it has been established that you can never sing.”
Words of grooming, told to an American Idol contestant by none other than the meanest judge on a reality music show on planet earth, American Idol’s judge Simon Cowell.
“Give me a PUNCHY staccato intro.” “Do not dwell in a self inflicted sanctum of ignorance.”
That’s our own NMG Lab III Prof for you–Henry Owino Opondo.
Simon's eight year reign of terror comes to an end this year. He has decided to quit the show and his lovers and haters have been left agape for this little Hitler in the music industry.
And our almost 10 month’s stretch with The Prof – this moving dictionary and tank of wisdom has ended.
Yes, you both love and hate them or you do one of the two but they keep you on tip toe when they are in the judging chair and holding the marker to the board.
When Idol’s Paula Abdul left, a gap was felt but lucky enough her replacement Kara Dioguadi was not a disappointment. It is at the same time that Ellen DeGeneres joined.
Rumours are that songwriter DioGuardi has been fired but Fox entertainment chairman Peter Rice declined comment on reports.
Simon’s preferences were Perez. "He's got good taste in music and a personality that could work."
Although he didn't say if she would make for a good judge, he added that he'd like to get Lady Gaga, who performed on the show last season, to stop by as a mentor to the contestants.
Replacement for The Prof is The Prof himself – he is still going to bombard other incoming “Labists” with his gems and what he calls basic English – bombed up English to most of us.
The same can’t be said for the Lab III sharps, we are the best but we are going to be replaced with Lab IV. We are still going to be “Labists” for life. The Prof can’t help but shed a tear or two for we the outgoing. We grew on him, but he can’t openly declare his über love for us.
Hope the next lot is not a disappointment. Unlike the incoming Idol judges who are loathed by some fans, our Prof is safe because not most incomings are aware of him.
The element of surprise is a favour to them like it was to us. They will spend the first few months in The Lab talking and walking The Prof.
It is now a reality as the new idol judges were announced in mid September to be Jennifer Lopez and Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler and long standing judge Randy Norton staying on.
However an idol fan on yahoo, said that if Steven Tyler and Jennifer "talentless hack" Lopez are the new judges, he would no longer watch the show.
“I suffered through a dull Season 9, I'm over it.” Lopez was the worst "mentor" ever with no redeeming qualities. She makes Paula Abdul seem like Beethoven.”
Former idol judge Ellen DeGeneres who joined season 9 was not a favourite as some fans thought her an amateur equating her to other viewers from home “who can say anything that came to their minds about a contestant.” “Let her judge at home on her sofa like the rest of us,” said a fan.
American Idol remained the most-watched show on U.S. television last season but audiences have declined since 2006.
The Lab remains the best thing that has ever happened to NMG collecting young talent and grooming it. The results are seen in news rooms all over East Africa.
Cry, oh yee idol and Lab lovers – but may be not yet.
Just in case you miss Simon’s meanness in the next show, which you will, try catching Kenya’s own protégé to Simon (according to rumours) on Tusker Project Fame.
And most of us from the Lab, catch us in news rooms from Uganda, Tanzania and in this big building called Nation Centre the mother hen to news rooms from without Kenya.
Long live The Lab!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Stranger no more
Nairobi is one city I tried to understand since I joined NMG in January as a trainee and still I’m going out of the city green but lighter.
The streets are a crossword word puzzle. Why the complication? There is a lot of mathematics, what with most streets being parallel to each other. And the names are way too many even for the shortest of streets-which are numerous.
Jeremiah my best Kenyan Lab buddy thinks some streets should be merged like Banda and Mama Ngina but then again he says they help combat over crowdedness in the city.
It’s amazing but even the residents have not mastered all streets. There are way too many corners which just tire the mind to master. Only advice I ever got was to cram the two major streets Moi Avenue and Kenyatta Av that is if I desired to find my way back to Norfolk towers-my residence. Advantageous though is that I have been staying near Nairobi University and Central Police Station.
Let’s get to the details of how I got misplaced with a colleague in this very big city. It was after a visit to the tax collectors’, KRA that the streets decided to give a colleague, Flavia and I an unwanted tour which left us lugubrious.
We only needed to find Central Police Station, Nairobi University and Nation Center, not necessarily in that order. One minute we were on Haile Selassie Street, the next we were in between streets and with each step, we got deeper into the other dirty side of Nairobi. I forgot to mention that Nairobi is the cleanest town I have ever been to save for Kigali but if I tell you that I saw the dirtier side then know that I did get lost.
As we went deeper, we felt like it was Kampala as there were many vendors with different commodities. That was a joy because we never thought we could get to see a market place in Nairobi. Consolation was in buying some cheap shoes though they weren’t off budget but the anger dissipated.
To cut the story short, we snaked through the long alleys and in fear of being robbed we asked few people for directions. The few that we talked to made our already unplanned tour even worse because all they could do was speak in Swahili. However much we declared our adherence to the Englishman’s language, the locals never wanted to subscribe.
It was a real horror which reminded me that I had to learn the language because it is hard to have a lengthy conversation with a Kenyan without them routing into Swahili. Well, now after 10 months in the city “ninaongea Kiswahili vizuri.”
We spent two hours in that other side of Nairobi until a kind English-Swahili speaking lady told us to keep going “juu” to Nairobi University. The experience came in handy when we went to explore Ngara market from where we did excessive shopping. We had to take notes of the streets and matatu numbers to our destinations.
For sure I am going to miss shopping from Ngara where almost every item is KSh100.
I have just discovered the street on which we got lost after trying to conjure mental intelligence to my rescue but I had suffered temporally amnesia when it came to that particular part of town.
But come to think of it, I should have acted like the journalist Media Lab has groomed me to be and written down the street names but all intelligent thoughts had escaped me.
If I had gotten out of Nairobi after four months, I would have continued believing that it is indeed the half London of East Africa, but at least the myth of robbery is gone, I can no longer call it Nairobbery – maybe the city of big money corrupt officials.
Now Kampala is calling – I have to heed the summons.
The streets are a crossword word puzzle. Why the complication? There is a lot of mathematics, what with most streets being parallel to each other. And the names are way too many even for the shortest of streets-which are numerous.
Jeremiah my best Kenyan Lab buddy thinks some streets should be merged like Banda and Mama Ngina but then again he says they help combat over crowdedness in the city.
It’s amazing but even the residents have not mastered all streets. There are way too many corners which just tire the mind to master. Only advice I ever got was to cram the two major streets Moi Avenue and Kenyatta Av that is if I desired to find my way back to Norfolk towers-my residence. Advantageous though is that I have been staying near Nairobi University and Central Police Station.
Let’s get to the details of how I got misplaced with a colleague in this very big city. It was after a visit to the tax collectors’, KRA that the streets decided to give a colleague, Flavia and I an unwanted tour which left us lugubrious.
We only needed to find Central Police Station, Nairobi University and Nation Center, not necessarily in that order. One minute we were on Haile Selassie Street, the next we were in between streets and with each step, we got deeper into the other dirty side of Nairobi. I forgot to mention that Nairobi is the cleanest town I have ever been to save for Kigali but if I tell you that I saw the dirtier side then know that I did get lost.
As we went deeper, we felt like it was Kampala as there were many vendors with different commodities. That was a joy because we never thought we could get to see a market place in Nairobi. Consolation was in buying some cheap shoes though they weren’t off budget but the anger dissipated.
To cut the story short, we snaked through the long alleys and in fear of being robbed we asked few people for directions. The few that we talked to made our already unplanned tour even worse because all they could do was speak in Swahili. However much we declared our adherence to the Englishman’s language, the locals never wanted to subscribe.
It was a real horror which reminded me that I had to learn the language because it is hard to have a lengthy conversation with a Kenyan without them routing into Swahili. Well, now after 10 months in the city “ninaongea Kiswahili vizuri.”
We spent two hours in that other side of Nairobi until a kind English-Swahili speaking lady told us to keep going “juu” to Nairobi University. The experience came in handy when we went to explore Ngara market from where we did excessive shopping. We had to take notes of the streets and matatu numbers to our destinations.
For sure I am going to miss shopping from Ngara where almost every item is KSh100.
I have just discovered the street on which we got lost after trying to conjure mental intelligence to my rescue but I had suffered temporally amnesia when it came to that particular part of town.
But come to think of it, I should have acted like the journalist Media Lab has groomed me to be and written down the street names but all intelligent thoughts had escaped me.
If I had gotten out of Nairobi after four months, I would have continued believing that it is indeed the half London of East Africa, but at least the myth of robbery is gone, I can no longer call it Nairobbery – maybe the city of big money corrupt officials.
Now Kampala is calling – I have to heed the summons.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Murder and be murdered in kind
Probably the local cinema people never saw it coming, but what did they expect?
You take someone down and you don’t contemplate going down yourself, shame on your ignorance.
The cinema people ought to have upped their game and seen that the way they overthrew the local theatre is the same way they could also be overthrown. The once popular Kenya Cinema just closed down hence murdering the movie-going culture.
RESULT? - The end of movie dates for majority of Kenyans.
And according to the management of Fox Theatre, the cinema was no longer profitable as a business, due to a consistently low uptake of tickets. More to close will be Fox's Drive-in Cinema, along Thika Road as well as the Kisumu outlet.
Reminds me of theatres closing in Uganda, because they were invaded by many factors including emergency of cinema halls.
One popular theatre which even turned into a church is former Pride Theater to which most theater lovers were frequenting.
Ok, maybe a little advancement was needed by these emerging cinemas but at least they are also now feeling the pinch and local theater is fighting to attract more people something the cinema guys can’t do because most DVD movies are released even before movies are to be shown officially.
I insist they should have anticipated the downfalls.
Let’s not forget the pricing; DVDs are cheap as low as KSh50 compared to going for a movie of about KSh300 and above.
Yet the cinema people pay for rights to show these movies at high prices which they have to recover after charging highly the movie goers.
Well now people are having movie dates from their homes hence rendering most businesses dead like the popcorn makers, kiosks around the theater and phone booths.
At least it can be guaranteed that people will always go for a good play in the theatres at any given day but for cinema, death came calling with no resurrection card.
Disclaimer…….i’m not hating on cinema. But frankly what’s d use of watching a movie at above KSH300 yet I can get it at Sh50 and watch it in the confines of my home..???
Anyway I appreciate originality of the theatres, so local theater guys should grab this opportunity and reign again.
You take someone down and you don’t contemplate going down yourself, shame on your ignorance.
The cinema people ought to have upped their game and seen that the way they overthrew the local theatre is the same way they could also be overthrown. The once popular Kenya Cinema just closed down hence murdering the movie-going culture.
RESULT? - The end of movie dates for majority of Kenyans.
And according to the management of Fox Theatre, the cinema was no longer profitable as a business, due to a consistently low uptake of tickets. More to close will be Fox's Drive-in Cinema, along Thika Road as well as the Kisumu outlet.
Reminds me of theatres closing in Uganda, because they were invaded by many factors including emergency of cinema halls.
One popular theatre which even turned into a church is former Pride Theater to which most theater lovers were frequenting.
Ok, maybe a little advancement was needed by these emerging cinemas but at least they are also now feeling the pinch and local theater is fighting to attract more people something the cinema guys can’t do because most DVD movies are released even before movies are to be shown officially.
I insist they should have anticipated the downfalls.
Let’s not forget the pricing; DVDs are cheap as low as KSh50 compared to going for a movie of about KSh300 and above.
Yet the cinema people pay for rights to show these movies at high prices which they have to recover after charging highly the movie goers.
Well now people are having movie dates from their homes hence rendering most businesses dead like the popcorn makers, kiosks around the theater and phone booths.
At least it can be guaranteed that people will always go for a good play in the theatres at any given day but for cinema, death came calling with no resurrection card.
Disclaimer…….i’m not hating on cinema. But frankly what’s d use of watching a movie at above KSH300 yet I can get it at Sh50 and watch it in the confines of my home..???
Anyway I appreciate originality of the theatres, so local theater guys should grab this opportunity and reign again.
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