American Idol Vs The Lab–out but about

“That was fairly horrendous, I do not know what to say but it has been established that you can never sing.”

Words of grooming, told to an American Idol contestant by none other than the meanest judge on a reality music show on planet earth, American Idol’s judge Simon Cowell.

“Give me a PUNCHY staccato intro.” “Do not dwell in a self inflicted sanctum of ignorance.”

That’s our own NMG Lab III Prof for you–Henry Owino Opondo.

Simon's eight year reign of terror comes to an end this year. He has decided to quit the show and his lovers and haters have been left agape for this little Hitler in the music industry.

And our almost 10 month’s stretch with The Prof – this moving dictionary and tank of wisdom has ended.

Yes, you both love and hate them or you do one of the two but they keep you on tip toe when they are in the judging chair and holding the marker to the board.

When Idol’s Paula Abdul left, a gap was felt but lucky enough her replacement Kara Dioguadi was not a disappointment. It is at the same time that Ellen DeGeneres joined.

Rumours are that songwriter DioGuardi has been fired but Fox entertainment chairman Peter Rice declined comment on reports.

Simon’s preferences were Perez. "He's got good taste in music and a personality that could work."
Although he didn't say if she would make for a good judge, he added that he'd like to get Lady Gaga, who performed on the show last season, to stop by as a mentor to the contestants.

Replacement for The Prof is The Prof himself – he is still going to bombard other incoming “Labists” with his gems and what he calls basic English – bombed up English to most of us.

The same can’t be said for the Lab III sharps, we are the best but we are going to be replaced with Lab IV. We are still going to be “Labists” for life. The Prof can’t help but shed a tear or two for we the outgoing. We grew on him, but he can’t openly declare his über love for us.

Hope the next lot is not a disappointment. Unlike the incoming Idol judges who are loathed by some fans, our Prof is safe because not most incomings are aware of him.

The element of surprise is a favour to them like it was to us. They will spend the first few months in The Lab talking and walking The Prof.

It is now a reality as the new idol judges were announced in mid September to be Jennifer Lopez and Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler and long standing judge Randy Norton staying on.

However an idol fan on yahoo, said that if Steven Tyler and Jennifer "talentless hack" Lopez are the new judges, he would no longer watch the show.
“I suffered through a dull Season 9, I'm over it.” Lopez was the worst "mentor" ever with no redeeming qualities. She makes Paula Abdul seem like Beethoven.”

Former idol judge Ellen DeGeneres who joined season 9 was not a favourite as some fans thought her an amateur equating her to other viewers from home “who can say anything that came to their minds about a contestant.” “Let her judge at home on her sofa like the rest of us,” said a fan.

American Idol remained the most-watched show on U.S. television last season but audiences have declined since 2006.

The Lab remains the best thing that has ever happened to NMG collecting young talent and grooming it. The results are seen in news rooms all over East Africa.

Cry, oh yee idol and Lab lovers – but may be not yet.

Just in case you miss Simon’s meanness in the next show, which you will, try catching Kenya’s own protégé to Simon (according to rumours) on Tusker Project Fame.

And most of us from the Lab, catch us in news rooms from Uganda, Tanzania and in this big building called Nation Centre the mother hen to news rooms from without Kenya.

Long live The Lab!

Stranger no more

Nairobi is one city I tried to understand since I joined NMG in January as a trainee and still I’m going out of the city green but lighter.

The streets are a crossword word puzzle. Why the complication? There is a lot of mathematics, what with most streets being parallel to each other. And the names are way too many even for the shortest of streets-which are numerous.

Jeremiah my best Kenyan Lab buddy thinks some streets should be merged like Banda and Mama Ngina but then again he says they help combat over crowdedness in the city.

It’s amazing but even the residents have not mastered all streets. There are way too many corners which just tire the mind to master. Only advice I ever got was to cram the two major streets Moi Avenue and Kenyatta Av that is if I desired to find my way back to Norfolk towers-my residence. Advantageous though is that I have been staying near Nairobi University and Central Police Station.

Let’s get to the details of how I got misplaced with a colleague in this very big city. It was after a visit to the tax collectors’, KRA that the streets decided to give a colleague, Flavia and I an unwanted tour which left us lugubrious.

We only needed to find Central Police Station, Nairobi University and Nation Center, not necessarily in that order. One minute we were on Haile Selassie Street, the next we were in between streets and with each step, we got deeper into the other dirty side of Nairobi. I forgot to mention that Nairobi is the cleanest town I have ever been to save for Kigali but if I tell you that I saw the dirtier side then know that I did get lost.

As we went deeper, we felt like it was Kampala as there were many vendors with different commodities. That was a joy because we never thought we could get to see a market place in Nairobi. Consolation was in buying some cheap shoes though they weren’t off budget but the anger dissipated.

To cut the story short, we snaked through the long alleys and in fear of being robbed we asked few people for directions. The few that we talked to made our already unplanned tour even worse because all they could do was speak in Swahili. However much we declared our adherence to the Englishman’s language, the locals never wanted to subscribe.

It was a real horror which reminded me that I had to learn the language because it is hard to have a lengthy conversation with a Kenyan without them routing into Swahili. Well, now after 10 months in the city “ninaongea Kiswahili vizuri.”

We spent two hours in that other side of Nairobi until a kind English-Swahili speaking lady told us to keep going “juu” to Nairobi University. The experience came in handy when we went to explore Ngara market from where we did excessive shopping. We had to take notes of the streets and matatu numbers to our destinations.

For sure I am going to miss shopping from Ngara where almost every item is KSh100.

I have just discovered the street on which we got lost after trying to conjure mental intelligence to my rescue but I had suffered temporally amnesia when it came to that particular part of town.

But come to think of it, I should have acted like the journalist Media Lab has groomed me to be and written down the street names but all intelligent thoughts had escaped me.

If I had gotten out of Nairobi after four months, I would have continued believing that it is indeed the half London of East Africa, but at least the myth of robbery is gone, I can no longer call it Nairobbery – maybe the city of big money corrupt officials.

Now Kampala is calling – I have to heed the summons.

Murder and be murdered in kind

Probably the local cinema people never saw it coming, but what did they expect?

You take someone down and you don’t contemplate going down yourself, shame on your ignorance.

The cinema people ought to have upped their game and seen that the way they overthrew the local theatre is the same way they could also be overthrown. The once popular Kenya Cinema just closed down hence murdering the movie-going culture.

RESULT? - The end of movie dates for majority of Kenyans.

And according to the management of Fox Theatre, the cinema was no longer profitable as a business, due to a consistently low uptake of tickets. More to close will be Fox's Drive-in Cinema, along Thika Road as well as the Kisumu outlet.

Reminds me of theatres closing in Uganda, because they were invaded by many factors including emergency of cinema halls.

One popular theatre which even turned into a church is former Pride Theater to which most theater lovers were frequenting.

Ok, maybe a little advancement was needed by these emerging cinemas but at least they are also now feeling the pinch and local theater is fighting to attract more people something the cinema guys can’t do because most DVD movies are released even before movies are to be shown officially.

I insist they should have anticipated the downfalls.

Let’s not forget the pricing; DVDs are cheap as low as KSh50 compared to going for a movie of about KSh300 and above.

Yet the cinema people pay for rights to show these movies at high prices which they have to recover after charging highly the movie goers.

Well now people are having movie dates from their homes hence rendering most businesses dead like the popcorn makers, kiosks around the theater and phone booths.

At least it can be guaranteed that people will always go for a good play in the theatres at any given day but for cinema, death came calling with no resurrection card.

Disclaimer…….i’m not hating on cinema. But frankly what’s d use of watching a movie at above KSH300 yet I can get it at Sh50 and watch it in the confines of my home..???

Anyway I appreciate originality of the theatres, so local theater guys should grab this opportunity and reign again.

Where’s the Law? -Muslim leaders in Kenya ASK

Muslim leaders have embittered hearts.

It is indeed absurd that the law they were quoting in defense of their brothers held on suspicious grounds in relation to the July 11 twin bombings in Uganda is the same law which neglected them in the first place.

A bit of a contradiction, no wonder the press asked them where else they would turn and they opted for evasion of the question, clinging to the fact that they will use the law, and go through the legal system to the end.

This transpired at the Jamia mosque in Nairobi at a press conference organized by the Supreme Council of Kenya Muslims (SUPKEM) and backed by National Muslim Leaders Forum, Muslim Human Rights Forum, Young Muslim Association, Muslim Consultative Council and the Council of Imams and Ulamaa.

You could say again that the boost up was steady and strongly united for the Muslim cause.

While speaking on behalf of the six organizations, to the press, the Chairman SUPKEM said that the Kenyan Police, NSIS and ATPU “have run rogue”. This he said spelling out the fact that these security organs are causing the Muslim society anxiety as they are not working within the confines of the law.

The constitution was quoted from section 29 talking of no freedom deprivation to Section 49 talking of the rights of an arrested person.

However the chairman said that the Kenyan Police was oblivious to the constitution. “They have been trailing Muslims, beating, placing hoods on them and shipping them off to Uganda,” he asserted.

So FBI-like, just like in the movies.

The Muslim leaders believe that justice was not administered here in Kenya and the officers feared that the suspects would be found innocent in Kenya. They cited the example of the good rule of law in Tanzania where by a suspect to the same bombings was not handed over to Uganda on a silver platter.

They said they hold nothing against Uganda and believe that the American government is paying off the Kenyan Police force.
“It is our Police and the FBI who are questioning the suspects in this newly created Guantanamo bay neighboring us,” said the Secretary General SUPKEM.
If it was not serious, any African country would be honoured to work with the FBI, it’s simply revered.

Threats/warning
They warned the government that they will not sit in silence while a “mini war” is declared on the Muslims and even urged Christians to join in the move to see their brothers back.

“The Muslim leadership will not play cat and mouse games, we do not fear, and intimidation of the rogue security forces is none to zero,” they said.
Mr Ibrahim Ahmed from the Muslim Council when questioned of the threats to the government, retorted calmly that, “We are actually the threatened.”
“Bring back our brothers now or you shall face the wrath of Kenyans,” was the concluding message of the chairman.

Muslims have been urged to start special Qunut prayers.

Best option, turning to God always in time of need because they need His guidance in pursuing the matter.

So any outcome will be in line with God’s wishes but the law is not heeding their woes.

Biological disasters and urban violence striking under developed countries (Kenya) - World Disasters Report 2010

Disaster strikes in many forms and most people identify it with earthquakes and heavy floods - a reality far from most African countries.

In Kenya however, biological hazards manifested in communicable and non communicable diseases like tuberculosis, hypertension and diabetes have been cited among the major disasters affecting Kenyans due to high populations living in the urban areas.

This has come as an outcome from the World Disasters Report in relating to developing countries and centering on Kenya in particular with a case study of Kibera slum in a press conference at KICC to present the report.

The report warns that 2.57 billion urban dwellers living in low and middle income nations (412 million Africans) are vulnerable to the high risks fueled by rapid urbanization, poor local governance, population growth, poor health services and the rising tide of urban violence.

Urban risk as being the main theme of the 2010 report, as explained by the Under Secretary General for International Federation of Red Cross and Crescent Societies, Matthias Schmale, is characterized by prevalence of communicable diseases, fire hazards, traffic accidents urban violence and poor infrastructure here in Kenya and most under developed countries.

Looking closely at Kibera slum, he said that all the above affect the people within. “People live in the rural new areas precariously and their crises are easily neglected,” he said

According to Deputy Secretary General in charge of disaster preparedness, Kenya Red Cross Society, Dr James Kisia, the urban realities of Africa need special consideration as most people are living the rural areas and swarming the urban centers hence increasing population. He said also that inequalities as long as they exist, nothing much can be done.

“50 per cent of the population are living on less than 1 per cent of land in urban centers,” he said.

Bearing in mind that the census figures of Kenya increased by 10million people in the past 10 years, Kenyan urban centers face over population because people live the rural areas to come scramble for the little space that is in the towns.

Mr Kisia said that the market forces of economic growth are influencing peoples’ priorities and in the process neglecting the social growth.

Naming Kenya as being among the top 10 countries to suffer from traffic accident mortality, Mr Kisia said that a legal frame work has got to be enforced and authorities must see to its imposition as preventing this hazard is easy – by simply telling people to wear seat belts , helmets among other road safety precautions.

Way forward
Good governance is the most effective way in combating these disasters in urban areas.
“We will flourish or perish depending on the ability to find common ground,” Mr Kisia said when giving a solution of continuous engagement of the local people with the policy makers whom he cautioned to to be deeply involved in community affairs right from the grass roots.

Governments also need to adapt their institutions to urbanization, provide proper drainage, proper access when fire breaks out, legal environment property wise, upgrade the slums and tackle the issue of health.

In Kenya only 6 per cent is invested in health yet the communicable diseases according to the report remain the main cause ill health and premature death and in Kenya’s urban slums, as much as people have to contend with infectious diseases which are killing infants at a rate (IMR) of 81 per 1000 live births, the non communicable diseases are also increasing with 17 percent of people suffering from diabetes and hypertension.

In a message from the Deputy Director for International Strategy for Disaster Reduction, Helena Molin Valdés, disaster stricken areas should follow the recommendations in the report to the last detail in order to curb most if not all these disasters.

The World Disasters Report is published annually. It has been written since 1993, It brings together the latest trends, facts and analysis of contemporary crises – whether 'natural' or man-made, quick-onset or chronic.

It is the first time the report is being presented outside of Geneva and in an African country, Kenya.

Lucrative Beggar-Land – stick your foot out!

It is acceptable to dream and even dream some more but even dreams have limits especially when they want to be superimposed on the realities of life.

Such dreams are happening in Gulu, Northern Uganda.

Beggars are being asked to close shop. However, they are not so open to this suggestion by authorities and the Peko Rwot-Pe Support Organisation in the area.

Begging is not for the homeless alone as a former teacher who was deleted from the payroll as early as 1995 decided to take to the streets to cater for his family. He is however open to the dreamers’ suggestions, but for now he is content with begging.

According to the coordinator of the organization, Robert Ongwec, they plan to fund them in their near future so that they can take care of their families.
“We want beggar- free streets. It is a struggle but we expect to rehabilitate them before they return to their homes where they can start to do other things,” Mr Ongwec said.

Easier said than done Mr Ongwec, what can he and his organization do that others have not been doing? At the moment they are giving soap and flour to beggars, as if that is enough to sustain a human being, probably some have no shelter, no kitchens, from which to use these” gifts” which may not even be flowing freely on a daily basis.

I’m not condoning Beggar-Land to stay in existence but we have to face the realities of being, such eutopia is just that – EUTOPIA.

And in light of not condoning the act, I will say that it is indeed sad especially for some kids who are being used in this land of beggary.

In the movie, Slum-dog Millionaire, street kids and even those kidnapped from families were used as beggars and their collections were taken by their careless-takers, they could not have been care takers by any chance because they never shared the bounty with the kids.

To think it would only stop in movies would be an under thought because this vice is practiced buy lowlifes in Africa and closer to home here in East Africa.

People will just about trade in anything and the winners are our Tanzanian cousins who introduce their not so brilliant in human ideas to neighbouring countries.

It seems like trading in people with albinism is not enough for them or it is less lucrative for now they have turned to Beggary Land to quench their wickedness.

In a story shown on Kenya’s Citizen TV, some vicious Tanzanians brought kids from their country to set up a business – begging in Kenya.

One could see that most of the kids were lame.

These thieves even put them in a house in Umoja Estate from where they are dispatched to their beggar-destinations in River Road each morning where they spend the day, palms open, and giving even greater meaning to the word yawn until their mentors collect them in the evening.

Meal time must be scramble time for them when they go back and that is if the food can be described as food.

Talk of taking advantage! Of course like in Slum dog Millionaire, the lame, blind and otherwise were good for attracting sympathy.

Bad though, was the fact that these children were helped to be blind and crippled, hope the same is not happening with these Tanzanian children. Their inhuman mentors are now behind cells probably cursing the loss of Ksh 10000 they were making per day.

In Gulu, beggars were asked to beg only on Tuesdays and Fridays. Talk of offering cheap solutions!

So maybe the dreamers should dream and have hope - their street-free beggar days could come.

Why not cut a slack for the poor?

Evidently the Uganda National Roads Authority (UNRA) was given a lot more than it could chew that they had to even take back funds to the treasury because they were “lying idle”.

Question though, did they do anything with the money?

NO
, the money was too much that it made them go blind to its usefulness – make Ugandans better roads. Utmost irresponsibility, negligence of order one and no patriotism at all mixed with a lot of love for fulfilling their stomachs.

According to the Daily Monitor they returned USh226billion. Notice the b not m for million.
Reasons they gave back the sums?
They did not know the roads to work on as so said the UNRA boss, Eng. Peter Ssebanakitta blatantly. He also said it was an abnormality for the government to give UNRA more than what it needed.

Why did they even accept it in the first place if it was abnormal money?

Try breaking down the money by dividing according to the basic needs and see what it can do for the people living in abject poverty. They will probably have enough to go on for years.

Why not give it to them if it is just lying idle and the purpose for which it is to be used is not fulfilled, because we continue to have pot bellied roads and no roads at all to speak of in some areas.

Madam talks of the returns as going to other ministries to cater for needy sectors which she does not care to identify. Misusing money in such a way (not actually using it for what it is intended) and you do not offer viable reasons for the public says a lot.

Probably she does not care what Ugandans thoughts are on the issue and she is being a little Hitler. “Too much money was given to the UNRA without adequate planning.” Reasoning for a lazy being avoiding crucification! Who gave them the money?

She probably needs a press secretary to write her speeches. What she said seemed like gloating at UNRA’s failure because she is the one in charge, with her ministry officials.

Now she remembers getting foreigners and getting the off load off the UNRA people. In her own words, “We had overrated the capacity of UNRA when we assigned them the role of fixing roads. So we are beefing them up by contracting foreign support.”

Hullo!

It gets worse, let us just yawn as Ugandans and bow for the riders, in an August letter he wrote to Ms Bbumba, Works Minister Eng. John Nasasira sought to acquire over Ush1 trillion to make better roads and offered sketchy excuses for UNRA’s poor management or the lack of it in executing the funds.

Someone do the maths please. Over Ush226 billion is returned because it was too much, no roads to repair were seen, areas needing new roads were absent, blah blah and more blah, now trillions not billions and definitely not millions are needed to do what was not done with the abnormal money.

Do these roads people just want to go mad with hefty sums of money in sight? Well, shrinks and psychologists are available.