WEIRD - Chimps on contraceptives

Worry warts condemn extinction to researchers yet the very people are packing them with birth control pills and other forms of preventing pregnancy.


They may have our near to 100 per cent DNA but they do not deserve the cruelty bestowed upon them - it is in human or should i say in animal?

Next thing we know, they will be procreating with humans. These innocent creatures are chimpanzees which are refused against their will the right to give birth and are instead packed with birth control pills and obviously it is the females on the pill.

Now of course one at Ngamba Island in Uganda gave birth about 8 years ago despite the pumped up pills and when the baby came, the staff were too surprised that they named the baby Surprise because they were surprised.

Truly surprise is not the word that should have described their reaction - Stupid maybe.

Yes, Stupid and you may wonder why. For one they know the traits the chimps have with humans with over 98 per cent DNA similarity and female humans always have side effects when they use the contraceptives and u=an unwanted offspring kicks in once in a while.

What's worrying is that like humans, they may force the poor animals to have abortions.

And someone is scared that they are going to run out like the dinosaurs! Talk about contradicting statements! Poor things may exist no more in the next 20 to 25 years according to environmentalists who insist on measures to be put in place to protect them, is birth control one of the measures to protect them? I’m thinking out loud!

Researchers are in demand of their genes and according to Executive Director of the Chimpanzee Sanctuary and Wildlife Conservation Trust, Lilly Ajarova research is the worst threat to extinction but she advocates for contraceptives in the meantime and this has gone on for a number of years where the chimps are injected every three years. Huh!

Excuse - limited space and hope to ONE day find an ideal forest for the animals’ survival. For now they depend on tourists, but what if the top paid staff forewent their monthly salaries for even just a month, wouldn’t that money do wonders for these near human animals?

If the chimps become extinct, we know where part of the blame game will be.

Get a LOLLIPOP and vote for me - cheap politics!

I am snapping out of a long bout of sleeping sickness. But why i’m i still yawning?

Simple - what I am awake to is boring me to the bones and there is this strong urge to fall back into Slumber Land.

Yes - nothing has changed - not at all! These politicians are still the same.

This is quite an outrage, do they think we are still in diapers and will be swayed by lollipops? - because lollipops is all they want to give us if you care enough to ask me.

Candidate number one (at one point i will stop counting); Nobert Mao, “I will do nothing, he meant he would get rid of corruption,” he blubbered this as a strategy to beat fellow Candidate Yoweri Kaguta Museven alias the President of Uganda.

In comes number two, the oldie himself and he has promised enough LOLLIPOPS since he started campaigning, wait; even before he started campaigns. Way back when he came to power after wading through the thorns in the bush. He might just have come out and said, “there is nothing new under the yellow sun.”

Good strategy though he got there, with each year, he promises free and even more free education.

Now for the Bad Loser who should be credited for NOT giving up, the retired colonel and a retired Doctor, Kiiza Besigye, happiness is going to reign in the Land of Agriculture, farmers are going to have smiles from mouths to ears.

If elected, he is going to bring about a revolution in farming by providing TRACTORS to every sub-county. Don’t we all have dreams!! - this is one i would love to see put into play. And on he went in the field of agriculture - A YAWN here, blah, blah and even some more blahs. The sleep did not take long to conquer me.

Poor thing had to quit his promises of increasing teachers’ salaries to Ush400,000 because the not so lousy Bwanika pledged the same thing but even better, Ush500,000 plus a bonus performance increase of Ush300,000.

As for The Lady, Betty Kamya, i got nothing much to say. She wants a FEDERAL run government this all screams TRIBALISM and she dreams of rich orphans and widows, God bless her soul.
Bidandi Ssali, 73 who should be on a little beautiful island somewhere eating guavas , is also running around like the teenagers, the likes of Abed Bwanika who is always exchanging a blow or two with the police.

Now how could i have forgotten Olara Otunnu, strong candidate is he. A dagger here and there about the not so current president keeps him breathing. If Kaguta goes through, Otunnu should be sure of excommunication. How can he accuse the big guy of throwing trucks of jiggers in Busoga?

Oh Lord! - more candidates! Who the hecks is Lubega Sam??????

Then comes the blame game - it is candidate attacking fellow candidate. These PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFULS can only but have hope, otherwise they have to face the harsh reality that Uganda can only have one president, so let them blast each other to kingdom come.

NB: Notice how i squashed them all like stuck up beans - well they are stuck up politicians who just wont let us be! Nothing special about any so chronology wasnt an issue!

American Idol Vs The Lab–out but about

“That was fairly horrendous, I do not know what to say but it has been established that you can never sing.”

Words of grooming, told to an American Idol contestant by none other than the meanest judge on a reality music show on planet earth, American Idol’s judge Simon Cowell.

“Give me a PUNCHY staccato intro.” “Do not dwell in a self inflicted sanctum of ignorance.”

That’s our own NMG Lab III Prof for you–Henry Owino Opondo.

Simon's eight year reign of terror comes to an end this year. He has decided to quit the show and his lovers and haters have been left agape for this little Hitler in the music industry.

And our almost 10 month’s stretch with The Prof – this moving dictionary and tank of wisdom has ended.

Yes, you both love and hate them or you do one of the two but they keep you on tip toe when they are in the judging chair and holding the marker to the board.

When Idol’s Paula Abdul left, a gap was felt but lucky enough her replacement Kara Dioguadi was not a disappointment. It is at the same time that Ellen DeGeneres joined.

Rumours are that songwriter DioGuardi has been fired but Fox entertainment chairman Peter Rice declined comment on reports.

Simon’s preferences were Perez. "He's got good taste in music and a personality that could work."
Although he didn't say if she would make for a good judge, he added that he'd like to get Lady Gaga, who performed on the show last season, to stop by as a mentor to the contestants.

Replacement for The Prof is The Prof himself – he is still going to bombard other incoming “Labists” with his gems and what he calls basic English – bombed up English to most of us.

The same can’t be said for the Lab III sharps, we are the best but we are going to be replaced with Lab IV. We are still going to be “Labists” for life. The Prof can’t help but shed a tear or two for we the outgoing. We grew on him, but he can’t openly declare his über love for us.

Hope the next lot is not a disappointment. Unlike the incoming Idol judges who are loathed by some fans, our Prof is safe because not most incomings are aware of him.

The element of surprise is a favour to them like it was to us. They will spend the first few months in The Lab talking and walking The Prof.

It is now a reality as the new idol judges were announced in mid September to be Jennifer Lopez and Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler and long standing judge Randy Norton staying on.

However an idol fan on yahoo, said that if Steven Tyler and Jennifer "talentless hack" Lopez are the new judges, he would no longer watch the show.
“I suffered through a dull Season 9, I'm over it.” Lopez was the worst "mentor" ever with no redeeming qualities. She makes Paula Abdul seem like Beethoven.”

Former idol judge Ellen DeGeneres who joined season 9 was not a favourite as some fans thought her an amateur equating her to other viewers from home “who can say anything that came to their minds about a contestant.” “Let her judge at home on her sofa like the rest of us,” said a fan.

American Idol remained the most-watched show on U.S. television last season but audiences have declined since 2006.

The Lab remains the best thing that has ever happened to NMG collecting young talent and grooming it. The results are seen in news rooms all over East Africa.

Cry, oh yee idol and Lab lovers – but may be not yet.

Just in case you miss Simon’s meanness in the next show, which you will, try catching Kenya’s own protégé to Simon (according to rumours) on Tusker Project Fame.

And most of us from the Lab, catch us in news rooms from Uganda, Tanzania and in this big building called Nation Centre the mother hen to news rooms from without Kenya.

Long live The Lab!

Stranger no more

Nairobi is one city I tried to understand since I joined NMG in January as a trainee and still I’m going out of the city green but lighter.

The streets are a crossword word puzzle. Why the complication? There is a lot of mathematics, what with most streets being parallel to each other. And the names are way too many even for the shortest of streets-which are numerous.

Jeremiah my best Kenyan Lab buddy thinks some streets should be merged like Banda and Mama Ngina but then again he says they help combat over crowdedness in the city.

It’s amazing but even the residents have not mastered all streets. There are way too many corners which just tire the mind to master. Only advice I ever got was to cram the two major streets Moi Avenue and Kenyatta Av that is if I desired to find my way back to Norfolk towers-my residence. Advantageous though is that I have been staying near Nairobi University and Central Police Station.

Let’s get to the details of how I got misplaced with a colleague in this very big city. It was after a visit to the tax collectors’, KRA that the streets decided to give a colleague, Flavia and I an unwanted tour which left us lugubrious.

We only needed to find Central Police Station, Nairobi University and Nation Center, not necessarily in that order. One minute we were on Haile Selassie Street, the next we were in between streets and with each step, we got deeper into the other dirty side of Nairobi. I forgot to mention that Nairobi is the cleanest town I have ever been to save for Kigali but if I tell you that I saw the dirtier side then know that I did get lost.

As we went deeper, we felt like it was Kampala as there were many vendors with different commodities. That was a joy because we never thought we could get to see a market place in Nairobi. Consolation was in buying some cheap shoes though they weren’t off budget but the anger dissipated.

To cut the story short, we snaked through the long alleys and in fear of being robbed we asked few people for directions. The few that we talked to made our already unplanned tour even worse because all they could do was speak in Swahili. However much we declared our adherence to the Englishman’s language, the locals never wanted to subscribe.

It was a real horror which reminded me that I had to learn the language because it is hard to have a lengthy conversation with a Kenyan without them routing into Swahili. Well, now after 10 months in the city “ninaongea Kiswahili vizuri.”

We spent two hours in that other side of Nairobi until a kind English-Swahili speaking lady told us to keep going “juu” to Nairobi University. The experience came in handy when we went to explore Ngara market from where we did excessive shopping. We had to take notes of the streets and matatu numbers to our destinations.

For sure I am going to miss shopping from Ngara where almost every item is KSh100.

I have just discovered the street on which we got lost after trying to conjure mental intelligence to my rescue but I had suffered temporally amnesia when it came to that particular part of town.

But come to think of it, I should have acted like the journalist Media Lab has groomed me to be and written down the street names but all intelligent thoughts had escaped me.

If I had gotten out of Nairobi after four months, I would have continued believing that it is indeed the half London of East Africa, but at least the myth of robbery is gone, I can no longer call it Nairobbery – maybe the city of big money corrupt officials.

Now Kampala is calling – I have to heed the summons.

Murder and be murdered in kind

Probably the local cinema people never saw it coming, but what did they expect?

You take someone down and you don’t contemplate going down yourself, shame on your ignorance.

The cinema people ought to have upped their game and seen that the way they overthrew the local theatre is the same way they could also be overthrown. The once popular Kenya Cinema just closed down hence murdering the movie-going culture.

RESULT? - The end of movie dates for majority of Kenyans.

And according to the management of Fox Theatre, the cinema was no longer profitable as a business, due to a consistently low uptake of tickets. More to close will be Fox's Drive-in Cinema, along Thika Road as well as the Kisumu outlet.

Reminds me of theatres closing in Uganda, because they were invaded by many factors including emergency of cinema halls.

One popular theatre which even turned into a church is former Pride Theater to which most theater lovers were frequenting.

Ok, maybe a little advancement was needed by these emerging cinemas but at least they are also now feeling the pinch and local theater is fighting to attract more people something the cinema guys can’t do because most DVD movies are released even before movies are to be shown officially.

I insist they should have anticipated the downfalls.

Let’s not forget the pricing; DVDs are cheap as low as KSh50 compared to going for a movie of about KSh300 and above.

Yet the cinema people pay for rights to show these movies at high prices which they have to recover after charging highly the movie goers.

Well now people are having movie dates from their homes hence rendering most businesses dead like the popcorn makers, kiosks around the theater and phone booths.

At least it can be guaranteed that people will always go for a good play in the theatres at any given day but for cinema, death came calling with no resurrection card.

Disclaimer…….i’m not hating on cinema. But frankly what’s d use of watching a movie at above KSH300 yet I can get it at Sh50 and watch it in the confines of my home..???

Anyway I appreciate originality of the theatres, so local theater guys should grab this opportunity and reign again.

Where’s the Law? -Muslim leaders in Kenya ASK

Muslim leaders have embittered hearts.

It is indeed absurd that the law they were quoting in defense of their brothers held on suspicious grounds in relation to the July 11 twin bombings in Uganda is the same law which neglected them in the first place.

A bit of a contradiction, no wonder the press asked them where else they would turn and they opted for evasion of the question, clinging to the fact that they will use the law, and go through the legal system to the end.

This transpired at the Jamia mosque in Nairobi at a press conference organized by the Supreme Council of Kenya Muslims (SUPKEM) and backed by National Muslim Leaders Forum, Muslim Human Rights Forum, Young Muslim Association, Muslim Consultative Council and the Council of Imams and Ulamaa.

You could say again that the boost up was steady and strongly united for the Muslim cause.

While speaking on behalf of the six organizations, to the press, the Chairman SUPKEM said that the Kenyan Police, NSIS and ATPU “have run rogue”. This he said spelling out the fact that these security organs are causing the Muslim society anxiety as they are not working within the confines of the law.

The constitution was quoted from section 29 talking of no freedom deprivation to Section 49 talking of the rights of an arrested person.

However the chairman said that the Kenyan Police was oblivious to the constitution. “They have been trailing Muslims, beating, placing hoods on them and shipping them off to Uganda,” he asserted.

So FBI-like, just like in the movies.

The Muslim leaders believe that justice was not administered here in Kenya and the officers feared that the suspects would be found innocent in Kenya. They cited the example of the good rule of law in Tanzania where by a suspect to the same bombings was not handed over to Uganda on a silver platter.

They said they hold nothing against Uganda and believe that the American government is paying off the Kenyan Police force.
“It is our Police and the FBI who are questioning the suspects in this newly created Guantanamo bay neighboring us,” said the Secretary General SUPKEM.
If it was not serious, any African country would be honoured to work with the FBI, it’s simply revered.

Threats/warning
They warned the government that they will not sit in silence while a “mini war” is declared on the Muslims and even urged Christians to join in the move to see their brothers back.

“The Muslim leadership will not play cat and mouse games, we do not fear, and intimidation of the rogue security forces is none to zero,” they said.
Mr Ibrahim Ahmed from the Muslim Council when questioned of the threats to the government, retorted calmly that, “We are actually the threatened.”
“Bring back our brothers now or you shall face the wrath of Kenyans,” was the concluding message of the chairman.

Muslims have been urged to start special Qunut prayers.

Best option, turning to God always in time of need because they need His guidance in pursuing the matter.

So any outcome will be in line with God’s wishes but the law is not heeding their woes.

Biological disasters and urban violence striking under developed countries (Kenya) - World Disasters Report 2010

Disaster strikes in many forms and most people identify it with earthquakes and heavy floods - a reality far from most African countries.

In Kenya however, biological hazards manifested in communicable and non communicable diseases like tuberculosis, hypertension and diabetes have been cited among the major disasters affecting Kenyans due to high populations living in the urban areas.

This has come as an outcome from the World Disasters Report in relating to developing countries and centering on Kenya in particular with a case study of Kibera slum in a press conference at KICC to present the report.

The report warns that 2.57 billion urban dwellers living in low and middle income nations (412 million Africans) are vulnerable to the high risks fueled by rapid urbanization, poor local governance, population growth, poor health services and the rising tide of urban violence.

Urban risk as being the main theme of the 2010 report, as explained by the Under Secretary General for International Federation of Red Cross and Crescent Societies, Matthias Schmale, is characterized by prevalence of communicable diseases, fire hazards, traffic accidents urban violence and poor infrastructure here in Kenya and most under developed countries.

Looking closely at Kibera slum, he said that all the above affect the people within. “People live in the rural new areas precariously and their crises are easily neglected,” he said

According to Deputy Secretary General in charge of disaster preparedness, Kenya Red Cross Society, Dr James Kisia, the urban realities of Africa need special consideration as most people are living the rural areas and swarming the urban centers hence increasing population. He said also that inequalities as long as they exist, nothing much can be done.

“50 per cent of the population are living on less than 1 per cent of land in urban centers,” he said.

Bearing in mind that the census figures of Kenya increased by 10million people in the past 10 years, Kenyan urban centers face over population because people live the rural areas to come scramble for the little space that is in the towns.

Mr Kisia said that the market forces of economic growth are influencing peoples’ priorities and in the process neglecting the social growth.

Naming Kenya as being among the top 10 countries to suffer from traffic accident mortality, Mr Kisia said that a legal frame work has got to be enforced and authorities must see to its imposition as preventing this hazard is easy – by simply telling people to wear seat belts , helmets among other road safety precautions.

Way forward
Good governance is the most effective way in combating these disasters in urban areas.
“We will flourish or perish depending on the ability to find common ground,” Mr Kisia said when giving a solution of continuous engagement of the local people with the policy makers whom he cautioned to to be deeply involved in community affairs right from the grass roots.

Governments also need to adapt their institutions to urbanization, provide proper drainage, proper access when fire breaks out, legal environment property wise, upgrade the slums and tackle the issue of health.

In Kenya only 6 per cent is invested in health yet the communicable diseases according to the report remain the main cause ill health and premature death and in Kenya’s urban slums, as much as people have to contend with infectious diseases which are killing infants at a rate (IMR) of 81 per 1000 live births, the non communicable diseases are also increasing with 17 percent of people suffering from diabetes and hypertension.

In a message from the Deputy Director for International Strategy for Disaster Reduction, Helena Molin Valdés, disaster stricken areas should follow the recommendations in the report to the last detail in order to curb most if not all these disasters.

The World Disasters Report is published annually. It has been written since 1993, It brings together the latest trends, facts and analysis of contemporary crises – whether 'natural' or man-made, quick-onset or chronic.

It is the first time the report is being presented outside of Geneva and in an African country, Kenya.

Lucrative Beggar-Land – stick your foot out!

It is acceptable to dream and even dream some more but even dreams have limits especially when they want to be superimposed on the realities of life.

Such dreams are happening in Gulu, Northern Uganda.

Beggars are being asked to close shop. However, they are not so open to this suggestion by authorities and the Peko Rwot-Pe Support Organisation in the area.

Begging is not for the homeless alone as a former teacher who was deleted from the payroll as early as 1995 decided to take to the streets to cater for his family. He is however open to the dreamers’ suggestions, but for now he is content with begging.

According to the coordinator of the organization, Robert Ongwec, they plan to fund them in their near future so that they can take care of their families.
“We want beggar- free streets. It is a struggle but we expect to rehabilitate them before they return to their homes where they can start to do other things,” Mr Ongwec said.

Easier said than done Mr Ongwec, what can he and his organization do that others have not been doing? At the moment they are giving soap and flour to beggars, as if that is enough to sustain a human being, probably some have no shelter, no kitchens, from which to use these” gifts” which may not even be flowing freely on a daily basis.

I’m not condoning Beggar-Land to stay in existence but we have to face the realities of being, such eutopia is just that – EUTOPIA.

And in light of not condoning the act, I will say that it is indeed sad especially for some kids who are being used in this land of beggary.

In the movie, Slum-dog Millionaire, street kids and even those kidnapped from families were used as beggars and their collections were taken by their careless-takers, they could not have been care takers by any chance because they never shared the bounty with the kids.

To think it would only stop in movies would be an under thought because this vice is practiced buy lowlifes in Africa and closer to home here in East Africa.

People will just about trade in anything and the winners are our Tanzanian cousins who introduce their not so brilliant in human ideas to neighbouring countries.

It seems like trading in people with albinism is not enough for them or it is less lucrative for now they have turned to Beggary Land to quench their wickedness.

In a story shown on Kenya’s Citizen TV, some vicious Tanzanians brought kids from their country to set up a business – begging in Kenya.

One could see that most of the kids were lame.

These thieves even put them in a house in Umoja Estate from where they are dispatched to their beggar-destinations in River Road each morning where they spend the day, palms open, and giving even greater meaning to the word yawn until their mentors collect them in the evening.

Meal time must be scramble time for them when they go back and that is if the food can be described as food.

Talk of taking advantage! Of course like in Slum dog Millionaire, the lame, blind and otherwise were good for attracting sympathy.

Bad though, was the fact that these children were helped to be blind and crippled, hope the same is not happening with these Tanzanian children. Their inhuman mentors are now behind cells probably cursing the loss of Ksh 10000 they were making per day.

In Gulu, beggars were asked to beg only on Tuesdays and Fridays. Talk of offering cheap solutions!

So maybe the dreamers should dream and have hope - their street-free beggar days could come.

Why not cut a slack for the poor?

Evidently the Uganda National Roads Authority (UNRA) was given a lot more than it could chew that they had to even take back funds to the treasury because they were “lying idle”.

Question though, did they do anything with the money?

NO
, the money was too much that it made them go blind to its usefulness – make Ugandans better roads. Utmost irresponsibility, negligence of order one and no patriotism at all mixed with a lot of love for fulfilling their stomachs.

According to the Daily Monitor they returned USh226billion. Notice the b not m for million.
Reasons they gave back the sums?
They did not know the roads to work on as so said the UNRA boss, Eng. Peter Ssebanakitta blatantly. He also said it was an abnormality for the government to give UNRA more than what it needed.

Why did they even accept it in the first place if it was abnormal money?

Try breaking down the money by dividing according to the basic needs and see what it can do for the people living in abject poverty. They will probably have enough to go on for years.

Why not give it to them if it is just lying idle and the purpose for which it is to be used is not fulfilled, because we continue to have pot bellied roads and no roads at all to speak of in some areas.

Madam talks of the returns as going to other ministries to cater for needy sectors which she does not care to identify. Misusing money in such a way (not actually using it for what it is intended) and you do not offer viable reasons for the public says a lot.

Probably she does not care what Ugandans thoughts are on the issue and she is being a little Hitler. “Too much money was given to the UNRA without adequate planning.” Reasoning for a lazy being avoiding crucification! Who gave them the money?

She probably needs a press secretary to write her speeches. What she said seemed like gloating at UNRA’s failure because she is the one in charge, with her ministry officials.

Now she remembers getting foreigners and getting the off load off the UNRA people. In her own words, “We had overrated the capacity of UNRA when we assigned them the role of fixing roads. So we are beefing them up by contracting foreign support.”

Hullo!

It gets worse, let us just yawn as Ugandans and bow for the riders, in an August letter he wrote to Ms Bbumba, Works Minister Eng. John Nasasira sought to acquire over Ush1 trillion to make better roads and offered sketchy excuses for UNRA’s poor management or the lack of it in executing the funds.

Someone do the maths please. Over Ush226 billion is returned because it was too much, no roads to repair were seen, areas needing new roads were absent, blah blah and more blah, now trillions not billions and definitely not millions are needed to do what was not done with the abnormal money.

Do these roads people just want to go mad with hefty sums of money in sight? Well, shrinks and psychologists are available.

The world must be coming to an end for America the great – huh!

CNN just broke the news.

“Breaking News: Percentage of Americans in poverty rises to 14.3% in 2009, highest in decades, Census Bureau says.”
Note: It has only risen since 1994 and is the highest.

Please!!!

And they tell that to Kenyans who according to IFAD when at 31.3 million people population, more than half were poverty stricken with about 80 per cent of the population, including three out of four poor people, living in rural zones. Or Uganda for that matter characterized with pot hole roads, unemployment, inadequate medical care.
The Americans should know because they are our major donors.

Worse is that according to the Census, for Americans who live in "poverty"

• 76 percent have air conditioning.

• 66 percent have more than two rooms of living space per p...erson.

• 97 percent own at least one color television.

• 62 percent have either cable or satellite television.

• Almost 75 percent of households own a car (30 percent own two or more).

• 73 percent own microwave ovens.

• More than 50 percent have stereos.

• 33 percent have automatic dishwashers.

• 99 percent have refrigerators.

• Virtually none lack running water or flushing toilets.

• 46 percent own their own home, the average of which is a three bedroom house with 1.5 baths, that has a carport and porch or patio, and the average value of which is 70 percent of the median American home.

They have all that and more and still they whine. Maybe they should try living in the poverty stricken Africa or India. People do not even know about the existence of some of those gadgets, in fact if you have one of those, you may be considered very rich.

Do they just want to laugh at us?
They the richest country, are crying poverty when they have microwaves to heat their food which food we have in scarcity.

When u peruse through the fact sheet for International Monetary Fund (IMF) on countries which are eligible for the Poverty Reduction and Growth Facility (PRGF), 2008, you will not find America but about 40 African countries all the East African ones included out of the low income 78 countries.

But America continues to cry wolf. Maybe the day will come when the wolf will swallow them whole and no one will have hearing functionality when they scream.

I’m also president material – you think!

“Yes, me for president - why not?
I have enough qualifications, one, two, I’m old enough and three, I have a family. Of course I went to school and finally, I am a comedian – a famous one at that with fans that can scale the height of the tallest man on earth, the late Ofwono of this my beautiful country Uganda.

Do not forget the fact that Red Pepper (Uganda’s first Tabloid) loves me, well I love it too. Two years ago they said I exchanged raining blows with a co-host on radio whom I happened to have beef with and sent him to hospital. No doubt I am macho, your ideal leader.
That is my portfolio and I aim to become even more famous. Take me seriously and if I go through, do not think it was a joke.” – Bitama Paddy of the Amarula family.

Haha – one can only but laugh at the joke politics has become. With just a few months for the Ugandan elections to kick in, many are swarming the Electoral Commission to get nomination forms.

The word many is justified, where the EC expected about 10 candidates, it has now, so far received 27 and counting of which our very own current president is also aspiring.
Implications
More of our money as tax payers is going to be used to sponsor the flock of presidential hopefuls because initially the EC had budgeted for not more than 10 and now the budget may need revision.
“If 27 or more picked nomination forms and they successfully get nominated, we shall tell the ministry of finance and they will provide for that in our budget because we don’t want to cause any crisis,” Dr Badru Kiggundu, the elections boss, said, while indicating that the EC cannot dictate a limit to the candidates they would get.

And what a contradiction. Dr Badru and his committee budgeted for 10 yet he says EC cannot limit the candidates. Knowing Ugandans, of course not only 10 can want to register, more people are getting thirst and hunger for power. So why not budget for say 50 hopefuls instead of giving us crappy contradicting explanations? Already crisis is created, where is the Finance Ministry getting the money? From tax payers’ sweat – that is right.

Maybe it is even about time the EC set a limit to the hopefuls and not bet their guns on the fact that some individuals may not be nominated. And what happens if the money budgeted for is more? Let me hope they do not call a meeting to see to how they can fatten their already enormous pockets.

Bearing in mind that even the presidential hopefuls have to pay USh8million non-refundable before nomination a big risk but upon nomination, they actually gain more, UShs20 million from the EC, a fully fueled new campaign vehicle and police escort vehicle with armed officers for use throughout the campaign. So the money by those who do not go through is probably chewed by the fat pockets.

I wonder why in the world EC would even allow characters such as Paddy SSali alias (of course) Paddy Bitama (one with fat chicks) to come pick forms. It is a joke, judging from the shows he gives the audience. I do not even want to get into giving descriptions and drawing excerpts.

Honestly, why would I or you for that matter want a clown for a president, so that I or we can laugh my/our way into the White House or State House in Uganda’s case?

Maybe we can rule ourselves, rather the country can rule itself. Okay impossible, guess we had better write to the Obama administration to get us a competent leader. I hear there are many candidates right from junior classes.

Caught in the jaws of the EX - When she’s very much alive

She is a rattle snake, wading her way into your life – only to take a strike at you.

Such is the ex to your current boyfriend.  She wants to be your friend and you are gullible enough to accept the request.   What is blocked to your mind is the fact that she had him first.

Dorothy (not real name), experienced the sting.

Earlier on in February she got a friend request from a stranger (Aisha) on face book and on checking the “friends in common section,” she found her to be a friend to her boyfriend Ismail. 

Before she accepted, she sought advice from her beau who told her to turn down the request – advice she didn’t heed.

Believing that she needed more friends in her life, she accepted not knowing she was inviting a she-devil in her soon-would-be short life with her boyfriend.  “Curiosity got the better of me, I was dying to know her, but I wish I hadn’t,” she said.

She extended the friendship further by writing on her new found friend’s wall, apparently the ex wasn’t in the mood for the enthused friendship – she simply never replied.

“The confrontation finally got home when she plainly wrote me in the politest of manners,” Said Dorothy.

Excerpt from the email.

Aisha
Hi long time, how a you doing, greetings to your husband, bye.

Dorothy
Thanks dear, I’m fine, Ismail too, hope ur fine. When I wrote on your wall you never replied so I was a little withdrawn but I will definitely be in touch.  Was great hearing from you.

Aisha
I’m fine and living my own life.  I’m in Kenya but will go to Uganda soon.  Did Ismail explain to u my relationship with him?

Dorothy
Hi, no he didn’t, I’m also studying in Kenya. So how do you know Ismail?

Aisha
He is my future husband even though we have miss-understandings at the time, you are the one failing me - did u know that?

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Dorothy was in shock, for a minute she thought her heart had stopped.  “I knew I wasn’t supposed to believe her, but the confidence with which she wrote made it real – and she is a moslem,” she said. 

The fear was confirmed more when Ismail told her he had been dating Aisha for four years. She said the “fickle” ex was clear on expressing what her problem with her was, after suffering all the formalities of “hi”.

All she knew was that the “b***h” had given her reason to fight for her man but a month later as she broke it off with Ismail, she admitted that Aisha had as well made her think thrice about the boyfriend, among other break-up factors.

Yes indeed it is true the ex’s are very much alive and when they believe they can get their man back, you the existing girlfriend will feel insecure however much you are titivated with love.

Can we ever give up on Latinos?

In a jam, you curse, wondering, when will I get home to give in to the addictive tele novela pleasure?

This is something which used to go through Judy’s mind the Nation Media Groups canteen lady, on days when she got off work late.  Meeting a jam on a telenovela day used to give her stomac upsets and cowering in self inflicted pain is the only thing that kept her from screaming at the driver to wade his way through the jam.  “On such days, I wished for once that cars would fly,” she reminisced with pleasure on her face, those days when she used to rush home for a glimpse of even the last part.

And she is not the only one crazy over these latinos.  Most ladies have a “thing” about telenovelas where they get to see heartthrob guys and feel taken to a different land.  It is a fantasy world for most.

Saum a Lab collegue just gets this sparkle in her eyes when she talks of Latinos.  They are a revenge on men who leave us to go for football all the time; the characters are well chosen to keep us glued on TV.  My best are Paco in Shades of Sin, Salvador in Second Chance and Facundo in LaLola.

Flavia also a colleague, says they keep her going for the week, like  Marimar, Love spell which air for 4days and La Tormenta on Saturday and Sunday. “It is a special daily date which I may never get from my boy friend,” she sighs in gleeful wonderment.  As if the daily shows are not enough, there comes the reruns, long for awaited by those who miss because of tight weekday schedules.

So what are these hypnotising telenovelas? They are essentially soap operas in miniseries format popular in Latin America and the Philippines which have been adopted in all continents. The first global telenovela was Los ricos tambien lloran (“The Rich Cry Too”, Mexico, 1979), which was exported to Russia, China, the United States and other countries, indeed it got to Uganda and was the talk of the season when it aired.

They are romance packed, and it is not a surprise because South Americans are assumed to be definition of the word love.  They have a touch of possessiveness in tittles; La mujer de mi vida (woman of my life), Cuendo seas mia (When you are mine).  They are done translated into English from own languages.

Is there plot?  Yes, there is always a plot, “very predictable at that,” says Angel a friend back in Uganda. They end up in weddings, the wicked dead, mad or imprisoned.” She likens them to Mills and Boons fiction love books.  “A telenovela is all about a couple who wants to kiss and a scriptwriter who stands in their way for 150 episodes.” Patricio Wills, head of development at Telemundo a producer of telenovelas once commented.

The first were in Brazil, Cuba and Mexico in 1950. The girls can’t help falling for the lead men.  One favourite of the ladies is Mario Cimarro, a Cuban who acted as Salvador in El Cuerpo del Deseo (Second chance).Judy beams when she refers to him as my Salvador, his charater name.  Ladies are indeed not ashamed to admit to falling in love with these characters, Angel admits to being jealousy when she sees “her man” kiss other ladies.

Where are the men in this?  Some are taken up by these soaps but will not admit to it.

Ladies out there….and gents, is it an addiction?  Judy thinks so and is recovering, praying never to watch any more.  Well reformists, you are missing out on your Salvador playing as Juan in Pasion de gavilantes airing on NTV Kenya and Uganda et al.